Stay Put

When you come to a place that seems outside of G-d's realm, too coarse for light to enter, and you want to run away--Know that there is no place outside of G-d, and rejoice in your task of uncovering Him there.

A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe-words and condensation by Tzvi FreemanIyar
22, 5767 * May 10, 2007

This thought really resonates. I've been ready to "run away" lately in all areas of my life. There have been many situations this year that have been painful or scary or just plain irritating. I've held on...endured those situations...because I do believe God is trying to teach me something. Am I listening? But commitments are my real big buggaboo. Lately, if I think I'll get trapped in a situation, I have to stop myself from fighting my way out of the perceived trap and running as fast and as far as I can. I know fear of commitments is a weakness of mine. God wants me to make commitments. So... I've made myself stay in church, even made some commitments to long-term church related projects. I've also forced myself to substitute teach and apply for teaching jobs even though the thought of teaching in a public school classroom scares me. Teaching in the public schools is one tough job and I admire those teachers who do it.

Man, I've prayed a lot about teaching and making commitments to second careers. Recently I read an article about second careers and they suggested looking for one that is less stressful than your previous career. The idea is having more time to live a healthy life and be creative. That spurred me to think about ways I could teach and still have time and flexibility to do the other creative things I want to do. I'm pursuing that idea with a clear intention.

God help me keep my eyes on you and be patient.