The Highly Sensitive Person
I'm reading a very interesting book "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine N. Aron Ph.D.. I'd kind of gotten away from self-help books but I found this one in a used bookstore with a local artist's name written on the first page. I bought it out of curiousity, I guess. I also have two very sensitive nephews, several friends who fit that catagory and the whole maternal side of my family, I'm discovering (...is it because we are Welsh?), is highly sensitive...some to an extreme degree. Now, it isn't a Christian book and is written by a Jungian psychologist who is very open to all religious beliefs and life style choices. I don't agree with some of what she says, but I do recommend the book to friends and family who tend to experience emotionally overwhelming situations and don't really know why that happens.
What's interesting about the book is that it takes a super positive stand on the benefits and the challenges of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). The author also gives many helpful suggestions on how to reframe seeing sensitivity as a gift, re-parent yourself and learn to make healthy choices based on self-awareness. So I'm happily reading along, thinking about my nephews and a few HSP friends, and halfway through the book, I realize I was a moderate HSP kid. I was relatively lucky, I guess. My mother is also an HSP so she was supportive of my "weirdness", gave me a lot of validation and loving support and let me work problems out over time. But even with a supportive parent, I gravitated to nature and preferred being outside. I sought natural or quiet settings because the only time I felt really totally mentally calm and peaceful was at night when everyone was asleep, away from people, riding my bike in my neighborhood, playing outside in the creek and working with my animals. Apparently, this is typical of HSP kids.
According to this book, things that wouldn't make much of an impression on most kids make huge impressions on HSP babies and kids (and adults). These good and bad experiences can impact the HSP for years. That was me big time. I had a few emotionally impacting things happen in early childhood but my teen years were the real bummer. Adolescent relationships were emotionally excruciating until I developed a sarcastic sense of humor to block the barrage of emotions and manipulative behaviors I felt and observed every time I was at school. I choose to go to a small private junior high because I couldn't emotionally face going to the larger public school. As the book relates, many HSPs instinctively know their limits emotionally and choose lower stress environments.
HSPs can seem shy but they aren't really "shy", they're introverted. They enjoy exploring their own thoughts and inner landscapes. Of course, some HSPs become shy because of the way people react to them. On the other hand, some HSP are extroverts. The author, who claims to be an HSP, says extroverted HSP can grow up to be healthy folks blessed with charisma, energy, emotional intensity and a greater sensitivity to others. However, if an extroverted HSP get used to the adrenaline rushes they experience growing up in stressful environments, they may tend to gravitate to stressful relationships and situations because it feels normal and more exciting. It becomes a cycle of engaging in a stressful or overly exciting situation, becoming overwhelmed emotionally and physically, crashing, detaching, recovering and engaging again. I know I've done that. Now that I'm aware of this tendency, I'm trying to enjoy a lot more down time and organize my life and work so there isn't constant pressure and chaos. Since I've been relaxing more this month, I find I feel a disorienting lack of direction. This is unsettling, but I realize it's part of learning to surrender (the main issue in my life right now) to God and letting him provide me with a sense of peace and willingness to follow his lead.
Anyhow...I think this is a good book to read whether you're an HSP or know friends who are. Reading this book, I mostly felt both a sense of relief about myself and more understanding and compassion for friends and family who are currently struggling because they may be unaware the HSP character trait, while challenging, can be a beautiful gift.
What's interesting about the book is that it takes a super positive stand on the benefits and the challenges of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). The author also gives many helpful suggestions on how to reframe seeing sensitivity as a gift, re-parent yourself and learn to make healthy choices based on self-awareness. So I'm happily reading along, thinking about my nephews and a few HSP friends, and halfway through the book, I realize I was a moderate HSP kid. I was relatively lucky, I guess. My mother is also an HSP so she was supportive of my "weirdness", gave me a lot of validation and loving support and let me work problems out over time. But even with a supportive parent, I gravitated to nature and preferred being outside. I sought natural or quiet settings because the only time I felt really totally mentally calm and peaceful was at night when everyone was asleep, away from people, riding my bike in my neighborhood, playing outside in the creek and working with my animals. Apparently, this is typical of HSP kids.
According to this book, things that wouldn't make much of an impression on most kids make huge impressions on HSP babies and kids (and adults). These good and bad experiences can impact the HSP for years. That was me big time. I had a few emotionally impacting things happen in early childhood but my teen years were the real bummer. Adolescent relationships were emotionally excruciating until I developed a sarcastic sense of humor to block the barrage of emotions and manipulative behaviors I felt and observed every time I was at school. I choose to go to a small private junior high because I couldn't emotionally face going to the larger public school. As the book relates, many HSPs instinctively know their limits emotionally and choose lower stress environments.
HSPs can seem shy but they aren't really "shy", they're introverted. They enjoy exploring their own thoughts and inner landscapes. Of course, some HSPs become shy because of the way people react to them. On the other hand, some HSP are extroverts. The author, who claims to be an HSP, says extroverted HSP can grow up to be healthy folks blessed with charisma, energy, emotional intensity and a greater sensitivity to others. However, if an extroverted HSP get used to the adrenaline rushes they experience growing up in stressful environments, they may tend to gravitate to stressful relationships and situations because it feels normal and more exciting. It becomes a cycle of engaging in a stressful or overly exciting situation, becoming overwhelmed emotionally and physically, crashing, detaching, recovering and engaging again. I know I've done that. Now that I'm aware of this tendency, I'm trying to enjoy a lot more down time and organize my life and work so there isn't constant pressure and chaos. Since I've been relaxing more this month, I find I feel a disorienting lack of direction. This is unsettling, but I realize it's part of learning to surrender (the main issue in my life right now) to God and letting him provide me with a sense of peace and willingness to follow his lead.
Anyhow...I think this is a good book to read whether you're an HSP or know friends who are. Reading this book, I mostly felt both a sense of relief about myself and more understanding and compassion for friends and family who are currently struggling because they may be unaware the HSP character trait, while challenging, can be a beautiful gift.
Labels: Ruminations
posted by Michelle Coder | 9:45 AM
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