To Marry or Not To Marry?
I’m sure God intends for me to marry some time in my life. God is healing me of my fear of marriage and, for the first time, I can see the possibility of true spiritual union. However, I also understand that if the man God has chosen does not find his way to me it may then be God’s will that I never marry. I was stunned by that clearly articulated truth today.
Until recently I have not known what God wanted for me in regards to relationships. As a young girl I was committed to chastely waiting for my true love. At 26, still chaste and unwed, I began to doubt. My friends encouraged me to be less serious and selective. The two men I consequently entered into relationships with in my late twenties and thirties, and who I thought I would marry, were good friends who convinced me to date them. When I truthfully told them I didn't love them romantically they assured me that love would grow over time. Sadly, while we became more comfortable with one another as friends, I could never allow myself to enter into a truly emotionally intimate union with either of them. At the time, I knew I was living a lie but I thought there was something wrong with me. I know now we were spiritually mismatched.
Being partnerless these last three years, I’ve thought a lot about marriage and what it means to me. I’ve become confident that, for me personally, if I married for less than true love that choice would be following my will and not God’s will. Such a marriage would be emotionally empty and would hinder me from fulfilling God’s purpose. This is the reason I’ve decided not to try to date, go to singles activities or sign up for dating services. I’m choosing to place my trust entirely in God, focus on doing His work now as a single person and not allow my fears or worldly expectations to direct me.
Concerning worldly expectations, I see a lot of desperation in unmarried Christians over 25 years old. That makes me wonder if the church is placing a burden on single folks to marry. I am discovering that married Christians are often given more responsibility and authority. This seems to suggest marriage and children are an indication of maturity and insight. I don’t think this is biblically sound reasoning. Ironically, the Catholic church places unmarried celibates in authority.
I’ve been looking into Paul’s thoughts on the subject of marriage and celibacy lately. Paul’s idea that it’s "better to marry than to burn with passion" has always bugged me. (1 Corinthians 7:9) It seemed like he was saying uncontrollable physical desire is the only reason to marry. What an uncaring and thoughtless reason to enter into a deeply spiritual, life long commitment to another human being, I thought! Gladly, I’m seeing Paul's ideas in a different light.
It dawned on me yesterday that what Paul is really saying to the Corinthians it’s OK not to marry. Yes, the cultural norm is to marry, but if one chooses not to marry for spiritual reasons God will bless that choice. This is a departure from the idea of “be fruitful and increase in number” (Genesis 1:28) and the cultural importance of the Jewish tribal, family unit. Perhaps Paul is suggesting our marriage relationship with Jesus through the Holy Spirit can fully satisfy us emotionally and spiritually and the brotherly love shared by the Christian community, our new tribe so to speak, is intended to operate like a traditional family unit providing real love, security, comfort, nurturing, emotional support, friendship and solace. Yes, if a single Christian meets someone they long to be joined to as a marriage partner and have children with, then they should, by all means, marry. But Paul cautions that marriage, and the responsibilities that arise from such commitments, will inevitably divide one’s attention and create new challenges that a single person would not have to face, especially when experiencing persecution for one’s faith. So, ultimately, I feel Paul is not exclusively advocating either marriage or celibacy but is establishing a new cultural norm that validates spiritually based celibate lifestyles lived productively and healthfully within the context of regular society.
It’s something to think about.
Until recently I have not known what God wanted for me in regards to relationships. As a young girl I was committed to chastely waiting for my true love. At 26, still chaste and unwed, I began to doubt. My friends encouraged me to be less serious and selective. The two men I consequently entered into relationships with in my late twenties and thirties, and who I thought I would marry, were good friends who convinced me to date them. When I truthfully told them I didn't love them romantically they assured me that love would grow over time. Sadly, while we became more comfortable with one another as friends, I could never allow myself to enter into a truly emotionally intimate union with either of them. At the time, I knew I was living a lie but I thought there was something wrong with me. I know now we were spiritually mismatched.
Being partnerless these last three years, I’ve thought a lot about marriage and what it means to me. I’ve become confident that, for me personally, if I married for less than true love that choice would be following my will and not God’s will. Such a marriage would be emotionally empty and would hinder me from fulfilling God’s purpose. This is the reason I’ve decided not to try to date, go to singles activities or sign up for dating services. I’m choosing to place my trust entirely in God, focus on doing His work now as a single person and not allow my fears or worldly expectations to direct me.
Concerning worldly expectations, I see a lot of desperation in unmarried Christians over 25 years old. That makes me wonder if the church is placing a burden on single folks to marry. I am discovering that married Christians are often given more responsibility and authority. This seems to suggest marriage and children are an indication of maturity and insight. I don’t think this is biblically sound reasoning. Ironically, the Catholic church places unmarried celibates in authority.
I’ve been looking into Paul’s thoughts on the subject of marriage and celibacy lately. Paul’s idea that it’s "better to marry than to burn with passion" has always bugged me. (1 Corinthians 7:9) It seemed like he was saying uncontrollable physical desire is the only reason to marry. What an uncaring and thoughtless reason to enter into a deeply spiritual, life long commitment to another human being, I thought! Gladly, I’m seeing Paul's ideas in a different light.
It dawned on me yesterday that what Paul is really saying to the Corinthians it’s OK not to marry. Yes, the cultural norm is to marry, but if one chooses not to marry for spiritual reasons God will bless that choice. This is a departure from the idea of “be fruitful and increase in number” (Genesis 1:28) and the cultural importance of the Jewish tribal, family unit. Perhaps Paul is suggesting our marriage relationship with Jesus through the Holy Spirit can fully satisfy us emotionally and spiritually and the brotherly love shared by the Christian community, our new tribe so to speak, is intended to operate like a traditional family unit providing real love, security, comfort, nurturing, emotional support, friendship and solace. Yes, if a single Christian meets someone they long to be joined to as a marriage partner and have children with, then they should, by all means, marry. But Paul cautions that marriage, and the responsibilities that arise from such commitments, will inevitably divide one’s attention and create new challenges that a single person would not have to face, especially when experiencing persecution for one’s faith. So, ultimately, I feel Paul is not exclusively advocating either marriage or celibacy but is establishing a new cultural norm that validates spiritually based celibate lifestyles lived productively and healthfully within the context of regular society.
It’s something to think about.
Labels: Marriage, Ruminations
posted by Michelle Coder | 11:07 PM
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