A Point of Stillness

Amidst the sounds of football, relatives promptings, barking dogs, animated media personalities, and drunken New York college students trying to gain some air time, I found myself focusing on other things this New Years Eve. I'm trying to find stillness...that balance point in which I can hear the voice of God. This weekend, I was presented with a kind of dry and resonant emptiness. At first, I was disappointed, but then I began to believe this emptiness was God's gift. A good gift given on the cusp of yet another year that was tendered out in the currency of anticipation. At least I stepped closer to my goals and felt God used me well. I need to be grateful for that. I'm hoping God will show me how to more creatively use each moment of 2007. It would be ironic if my present educational accomplishments were all just an exercise in following through and completing a task. Perhaps God is teaching me simple lessons right now.

I'm off track when it comes to holidays this season. I've grown tired of not having my own home and so feel a bit out to sea. I'm even getting nostalgic for simple college days and old friends. So in the process of unwinding from breaking down my 1st grade classroom and recovering from my second cold in two weeks, I forgot this was going to be the weekend of New Years Eve and agreed to go on retreat with my pastor's dear wife, Carmen. I'm glad I did the silent Retreat. I need silence and rest right now like a plant needs water.

We went to the same place in Inverness. This time it was an undirected retreat and we had to make our own meals and boil all water because a local fire had depleted water supplies. I found that staying warm was my first priority....the wall heater in my small, cozy room was great. Finding a way to sleep on a rather uncomfortable bed and obtaining water and food were also priorities. The mildly uncomfortable conditions brought to mind what it might be like to a 13th c. monk, tossing on a stone pallet, freezing under a thin blanket and eating meager meals as an act of contrition and/or vow of extreme poverty. I'm not sure I would choose that life. Just having to negotiate some minor inconveniencies made me appreciate the importance of surrender, patience and flexibility.

In the span of this weekend journey I read and prayed. I would have prayed more, but I discovered I was exhausted. I ended up holed up in my warm little room under the blankets letting my mind roam the spiritual landscape. Maybe God was working on the soul level. I'm not disappointed. I was also glad to be able to talk to Carmen, even though it was supposed to be a silent retreat. Talking wasn't in the game plan so there must have been a good reason God facilitated some flexibility and improvisation in that area.

Peace to all in 2007