Jealousy

I've always thought jealousy and envy were a big waste of time. Envious of anothers gifts? Every gift has a corresponding burden. Jealous of another's life? The grass is always greener in someone else's yard...until you take a closer look. I've found by trial, error, tragedy and sorrow it's easy for me to misread situations, things, people when I am envious. My envy usually has little to do with reality. Rather, feelings of selfish jealously and envy are usually a reflection of my own woundedness...my own blindness.

I'm not sure why, but I never desired much as a younger person. Now, as I grow older, I find I want certain things...or maybe, I regret not having experienced certain things. It's very strange. And even though I know being selfishly jealous and envying others is foolish and meaningless, I find that dragon is waiting to rise in me. When it does rise, I am always amazed at the thoughtless things I do and say (or don't say)... the fear of being completely honest with myself and others...the way I misread situations...and most sadly, that I have been compelled to push people away. I always regret falling prey to this hollow beast.

Gladly, I feel a healthy sense of change. I don't know how or why, but I'm grateful God is standing watch over me. I've opened my heart to His light, a Light that searches out the darker areas of my life. And Jesus Christ is creating a growing desire in me, through the Holy Spirit, to be like Him. Yes, jealousy still catches me unawares...wish it didn't. Gladly, God makes me aware of what is really happening and I am encouraged to seek His face. Like a heavenly coach, he surrounds me with His Love and claps and sings with joy when my heart remains open in the face of challenge. And when I fall, as I often do, he lifts me back onto my feet. And when I begin to veer off the path in distraction, he stands before me, blocking my way, and leads me home.

Jealousy? In thinking about the negative aspects of this state of being, I remember the Bible descibes God as a jealous God. I've always been puzzled by that. My Concordance didn't turn up much, so I surfed the web and found the site below. The author claims that the word jealous can also mean zealous. Is Godly jealousy, then, God's pure and zealous desire to keep us in exclusive relationship with Him?

http://www.christinyou.net/Outlines/jealousy.pdf#search=