Communion

I was startled this Sunday when my pastor, Nate, discussed a topic I've been thinking a lot about...communion and ritual. To paraphrase, he feels communion is a tangible way for us to experience both the energy and mystery of Christ's love, the emotional impact of his death and transformation of our relationship with God and the historical depth of the Christian body of faith. In a mystical sense, Nate feels we are in actual communion with Christ and the church through the act of taking communion. I agree.

I've been thinking about ritual of late because I teach in a Catholic school and have to go to Mass every Friday. I cannot take communion because I'm not Catholic and that got me thinking about communion. Also, out of respect to the staff's beliefs and to the children, who are modeling my behavior in church, I have agreed with the principal, a very gentle Sister of Mercy, to participate in the service as I am able. That got me thinking about ritual. Incidentally, the staff knows I'm not a Catholic and all are very respectful. I think they are curious about my acceptance of beliefs that differ from mine and my interest in learning about Catholicism without being interested in becoming a Catholic. Many of my favorite Christian writers are nuns, monks or priests, so I'm interested in learning more about their backgrounds and about church history. I also like the seriousness, sanctity and quiet of Catholic churches. There is always space for mediation. Well...some thoughts started solidifying this week and the impetus were two experiences.

The first experience occurred when I was singing Ave Maria, as requested. The woman playing for me had recently lost a baby and said my singing touched her. So I sang the song for her. When I was singing, I felt this kind of time shift like I was in touch with the grief that Mary felt when her son died. There are a lot of depictions of Christ's death in the the church and these caught my eye. At the end of the song, I felt overwhelmed emotionally and started crying.

The second experience happened after I was meditating on the engravings, statuary and stained glass windows in the church. In a Catholic church, everywhere you look there is an religious icon. I started wondering what purpose these icons and statues really served and whether or not they were indeed just pagan idols as I had been taught in church. I looked deeper at an engraving of Jesus being carried to the tomb. Suddenly, I felt like crying and had that time warp experience again. I could imagine the pain and confusion of the disciples when their teacher and friend died. The total shock and terrible grief. The confusion. The loss of his love and his amazing prescience struck me.

I started thinking about how when we truly love someone, when they are gone, thoughts of them, their smile, laugh, eyes, walk or voice, brings back memories of their energy and love. It's almost like we feel or relive the experience of being with them. We commune by opening our minds to the memory of their loving prescience. And that memory can be a balm, helping us through hard times and filling us with happiness, peace and even joy.

As recorded in the Bible, Christ only asked his disciples to do a few things and one of those was take communion in remembrance of him. Why? We experience Christ through the Holy Spirit but maybe we also need to re-experience Christ's humanity, sacrifice and love through ritual? I don't fully understand it. Certainly, communion is not a conjuring act. Perhaps communion reminds us to open our eyes and hearts to the reality that Christ is always with us and to re-experience the moment we first opened our heart to Love and surrendered our life to Him. Is communion then a mystical revisiting of loving surrender.